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TERMINOLOGY, TITLES & 'TAGS' |
| They never die!
Computer Terms as defined by Rural Canadians
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Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. Old actors never die, they just drop apart. Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. Old architects never die, they just lose their structures. Old bankers never die, they just lose interest. Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling. Old cashiers never die, they just check out. Old chemists never die, they just fail to react. Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket. Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties. Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience. Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed. Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. Old musicians never die, they just get played out. Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot. Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces. Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane. Old policemen never die, they just cop out. Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away. Old schools never die, they just lose their principals. Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away. Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy. Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper. Old students never die, they just get degraded. Old teachers never die, they just lose their class. Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
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. Medical Terms:Artery........................................ The study of fine paintings Barium.......................................What you do when CPR fails Benign...................................... What you are after you be eight Caesarean Section.....................A district in Rome Dilate.........................................To live long Fester........................................Quicker GI Series....................................Soldiers' baseball games Hangnail.................................... A coat hook Medical Staff.............................. A doctor's cane Minor Operation......................... Coal digging Morbid.......................................A higher offer Nitrate........................................Lower than the day rate Node.........................................Was aware of Outpatient................................. A person who has fainted Post-operative........................... A letter carrier Protein...................................... In favor of young people Tumor........................................An extra pair Urine.........................................Opposite of you're out
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who hangs on the wall? Art What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who hangs in a tree? Leif What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who lies in a ditch? Phil What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who floats in the ocean? Bob
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. He’s not stupid, he’s...A .22 caliber intellect in a .357 Magnum world. A day late and a dollar short. A few bricks short of a wall. A few clowns short of a circus. A few clues shy of a solution. A few feathers short of a whole duck. A few points short of a polygon. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree. A few volts below threshold. A prime candidate for natural deselection. A room temperature IQ. A walking argument for birth control. All foam. no beer. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he’d be in reverse. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer Not the brightest penny in the jar. Dumber than a box of hair. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. Chimney is clogged. Her sewing machine is out of thread. His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels. If he had another brain it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. No grain in the silo. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
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. Computer Terms as defined by Rural CanadiansLog On.......................Making the wood stove hotter. Log Off.......................Don’t add wood. Monitor....................... Keep an eye on the wood stove. Download................... Getting the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz.................When you’re not careful downloading (watch the toes!) Floppy Disk.................What you get from piling too much wood. RAM........................... The hydraulic thingy that makes the wood splitter work. Hard Drive...................Getting home in mud season. Prompt....................... What you wish the mail was in mud season. Windows.................... What to shut when it’s 30 below. Screen....................... What you need for black fly season. Byte........................... What black flies do. Chip........................... What to munch on. Micro Chip.................. What’s left in the bag when the chips are gone. Infrared....................... Where the leftovers go when Fred’s around. Modem....................... What you did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix................... Farmer Matrix’s wife. Lap Top......................Where little kids feel comfy. Keyboard................... Where you hang your keys. Software..................... Plastic eating utensils. Mouse........................ What eats the horses’ grain in the barn. Main Frame.................The part of the barn that holds the roof up. Port............................ Fancy wine. Enter.......................... C’mon in!
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