TERMINOLOGY, TITLES & 'TAGS'

They never die!

Medical Terms

What do you call

Heís not stupid, heís...

Computer Terms as defined by Rural Canadians

 

They never die!

Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.

Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.

Old musicians never die, they just get played out.

Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.

Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.

Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

Old policemen never die, they just cop out.

Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.

Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.

Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.

Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.

Old students never die, they just get degraded.

Old teachers never die, they just lose their class.

Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.

 

. Medical Terms

Artery........................................ The study of fine paintings

Barium.......................................What you do when CPR fails

Benign...................................... What you are after you be eight

Caesarean Section.....................A district in Rome

Dilate.........................................To live long

Fester........................................Quicker

GI Series....................................Soldiers' baseball games

Hangnail.................................... A coat hook

Medical Staff.............................. A doctor's cane

Minor Operation......................... Coal digging

Morbid.......................................A higher offer

Nitrate........................................Lower than the day rate

Node.........................................Was aware of

Outpatient................................. A person who has fainted

Post-operative........................... A letter carrier

Protein...................................... In favor of young people

Tumor........................................An extra pair

Urine.........................................Opposite of you're out

 

.What do you call

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who hangs on the wall? Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who hangs in a tree? Leif

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who lies in a ditch? Phil

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who floats in the ocean? Bob

 

. Heís not stupid, heís...

A .22 caliber intellect in a .357 Magnum world.

A day late and a dollar short.

A few bricks short of a wall.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few clues shy of a solution.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

A few points short of a polygon.

A few sandwiches short of a picnic.

A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.

A few volts below threshold.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

A room temperature IQ.

A walking argument for birth control.

All foam. no beer.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Answers the door when the phone rings.

Any slower and heíd be in reverse.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Not the brightest penny in the jar.

Dumber than a box of hair.

Couldnít pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

Chimney is clogged.

Her sewing machine is out of thread.

His antenna doesnít pick up all the channels.

If he had another brain it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

 

. Computer Terms as defined by Rural Canadians

Log On.......................Making the wood stove hotter.

Log Off.......................Donít add wood.

Monitor....................... Keep an eye on the wood stove.

Download................... Getting the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz.................When youíre not careful downloading (watch the toes!)

Floppy Disk.................What you get from piling too much wood.

RAM........................... The hydraulic thingy that makes the wood splitter work.

Hard Drive...................Getting home in mud season.

Prompt....................... What you wish the mail was in mud season.

Windows.................... What to shut when itís 30 below.

Screen....................... What you need for black fly season.

Byte........................... What black flies do.

Chip........................... What to munch on.

Micro Chip.................. Whatís left in the bag when the chips are gone.

Infrared....................... Where the leftovers go when Fredís around.

Modem....................... What you did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix................... Farmer Matrixís wife.

Lap Top......................Where little kids feel comfy.

Keyboard................... Where you hang your keys.

Software..................... Plastic eating utensils.

Mouse........................ What eats the horsesí grain in the barn.

Main Frame.................The part of the barn that holds the roof up.

Port............................ Fancy wine.

Enter.......................... Címon in!