Useful Expressions for High Stress Days



1.  Well, aren't you just a fucking ray of sunshine?

2. Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?

3. Do I look like a fucking people person?

4. This isn't an office.  It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

5. I pretend to work.  They pretend to pay me.

6. You! Off my planet!!

7. Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.

8. I like cats, too.  Let's exchange recipes.

9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

10. And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be…?

11. How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?

12. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

13. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

14. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

15. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

16. Earth is full.  Go home.

17. Does your stream of consciousness have any fish in it?

18. *I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

19. How about never? Is never good for you?

20. *I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 21. *I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

 22. *I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

23. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

 24. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

 25 .I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

26.  You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

 27. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

 28. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 29. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 30. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

 31. *The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

32.  Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

 33. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

 34. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

 35. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

 36. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 37. No, my powers can never be used for good.

 38. You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.

 39. Who me? I just wander from room to room

40. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

41. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

42. *I am a PBS mind in an MTV world.

43. * Allow me to introduce my selves.

 44. *Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

 45. *Well, your day is a total waste of makeup.

46. * I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 47. Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

 48. Can I trade this job for what's behind door Number 1?

49. * Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 50. Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?

 51. Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done

 52. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

 53. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 54. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.